“What YHWH Joins Together: Seeing Beyond the Gender War”

I keep hearing people talk about this "gender war". Men versus women. Women versus men. Everyone frustrated. Everyone blaming. On the surface, it looks like a relationship issue; or maybe even a generational one. But the longer I sit with it, the clearer it becomes: this isn’t really about men and women.

It’s a spiritual war, and the enemy is at work.

From the beginning, YHWH established order. He designed the man to "find" the woman He prepared for him. Scripture says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from YHWH" (Proverbs 18:22). That word "finds" matters. It doesn’t say chases. It doesn’t say negotiates. It doesn’t say settles out of fear. What the world offers and what YHWH designed are two completely different systems.

The world says: Find love fast.

YHWH says: Wait, and be blessed.

"Blessed is he who waits." (Isaiah 30:18)

That difference matters; because when YHWH does the joining, there’s peace. When He joins, there’s clarity. Scripture says: "What YHWH has joined together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:6)

We see this pattern throughout Scripture. Abraham’s servant didn’t scroll through options for Isaac; he prayed. He trusted YHWH to lead. Rebekah was already being positioned before the prayer was even finished (Genesis 24). Ruth didn’t chase Boaz or try to secure her future through manipulation. She walked faithfully, and Boaz recognized what YHWH had already marked (Ruth 2:4). When His order is honored, things line up naturally.

But the enemy has worked hard to convince us that this kind of trust is unrealistic today.

We’ve reduced relationships to checklists; height, money, looks, lifestyle, and then leaned on chemistry, calling it a connection. But when we build like that, we’re not discerning hearts; we’re reacting to appearances.

And that opens the door to deception.

When you spell out exactly what you want, you make it easy for someone to perform it. Anyone paying attention can mirror your desires. The adversary doesn’t have to guess; he just sends someone who looks right, sounds right, feels right, without being rooted in truth.

I’ve seen marriages where the performance couldn’t hold any longer; years of pretending, trying to be someone else for whatever reason.

When the act collapses, the damage goes beyond a broken relationship. Women walk away feeling tricked, guarded, hardened. They start believing men are dishonest, unsafe, or incapable of real commitment. So they raise walls, increase standards, and try to control everything. Men walk away feeling unappreciated, rejected, measured only by what they provide or how well they perform. They detach, withdraw, or stop trying. Bitterness sets in, and trust dies.

Disobedience plays a role here too. When we ignore YHWH’s timing and design; when we chase, settle, or compromise, we open the door to pain. We choose what feels good over what is right. And the victim mindset takes hold: instead of owning choices, we blame others, believing life has "done this to me" rather than seeing the consequences of stepping out of alignment with His order.

Satan has done a masterful job of making fornication feel natural. Casual. Normal. Even acceptable. He knows that fornication is not harmless; it bonds, it marks, it confuses. Through fornication, many have unknowingly committed adultery. Scripture warns:

"Whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28)

"You shall not commit adultery." (Exodus 20:14)

"But as for the cowardly, and untrustworthy, and abominable, and murderers, and those who whore, and drug sorcerers, and idolaters, and all the false, their part is in the lake which burns with fire and sulphur, which is the second death.." (Revelation 21:8)

And there shall by no means enter into it whatever is unclean, neither anyone doing abomination and falsehood, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.(Revelation 21:27)

Adultery isn’t just happening after vows; it’s happening before them. Hearts are joined, broken, and carried into the next relationship fractured and guarded. Covenants are violated before vows are ever spoken. And the effects reach beyond us. Children see how we love, how we wait, how we compromise; or don’t. They learn that love is temporary, trust is risky, and covenant is optional. Scripture warns:

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

And then there’s the victim mentality that grows in all this chaos. People experience the consequences of disorder and blame others for the pain. Scripture explains:

"Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death." (James 1:14–15)

These relationships create temporary connection but long-term damage. They train us to mistrust instead of discern. And while we’re busy blaming each other, the real enemy keeps winning; keeping men and women fractured, bitter, and disconnected from the kind of union we were created for.

And this is where the so-called "gender war" begins.

It’s not really men versus women. It’s deception versus truth.

Satan knows exactly what he’s doing. He knows Scripture. He knows how to use impatience, loneliness, and desire against us.

Sometimes the wait feels long because we’re not ready for what YHWH wants to join. We want blessing without correction. But YHWH is precise. He’s not just joining two people; He’s joining futures, responsibilities, and purpose. Scripture says, "House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from YHWH" (Proverbs 19:14). And “Do not awaken love before its time” (Song of Songs 8:4).

He's the Creator of all; every star, every heartbeat, every moment, who says, "Blessed is he who waits" (Isaiah 30:18). If the One who holds the universe calls waiting a blessing, why do we rush? If He says He will join together what belongs together, what’s the hurry?

Maybe the shift we need is simple, but not easy: stop lusting and start trusting. Stop chasing. Stop settling. Stop mistaking desire for discernment. Trust His timing. Trust His design. Trust that what He builds stands.

There is hope. There is restoration. There is repentance. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

And above all, it begins with knowledge. Scripture warns: "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." (Hosea 4:6) Let us seek truth, discernment, and alignment with YHWH’s design, so we no longer fall prey to deception or the victim mindset.

Dana M