When Self Becomes the Resolution:

New Year’s resolutions: exercise more, spend less, be happier. But why do we really do this, and where did it start? Spoiler: it’s ancient, pagan, and all about self.

It’s not new. Years ago, the Babylonians made promises to their gods; to repay debts, return what you borrowed, hoping for favor in the new year. January 1? That comes from Roman religion. Janus, the two-faced god, looked back at the old year and forward into the new. Romans gave sacrifices and gifts, not out of obedience or truth, but out of selfish hope for luck.

Nothing’s changed. Resolutions have always put self at the center. “This year is about me,” whether it’s your body, your bank account, or your image. Let’s call it what it is: “idolatry.” Putting self, comfort, image, success, or recognition above what truly matters is worshiping something other than the Creator. Scripture warns:

“Little children, keep yourselves from idols.” (1 John 5:21)

Selfishness hides in plain sight. It dresses up as ambition, good intentions, or “self-care.” But it shows at home, in the things we ignore, the attention we withhold. It shows in our children and our spouse, the ones who need us most.

Here’s the hard truth; we’re forgetting what it means to “show up ”.The small, ordinary responsibilities that build a home, teach children about care, and honor those closest to us are quietly slipping away.

Now it’s “cute” to say, “I don’t cook,” or, “I’ll just call someone to change my tire.” But these aren’t just chores, they’re lessons. When we shrug them off, we teach kids that life is about avoiding work, choosing convenience, and putting self first. They notice when love takes a backseat, when attention is traded for a phone, a screen, or personal gain. That lesson sticks, shaping their hearts and future relationships.

Marriage feels it too. It’s not just sharing a roof or doing the occasional nice thing. It’s the unseen work; listening when you’re tired, handling chores, showing care when nobody is clapping. Marriage, family, home, they’re built on the quiet choices that put someone else first. That’s the love children remember.

And it’s not just at home. The whole world feels like a stage, and everyone’s playing a part. Curtain up. Filters on. Truth off. Look around, everything is a performance now. People are actors, every moment staged, trying to look the part. Even the “new look”; clothes, hair, Instagram-perfect images are all calculated for attention. Appearance matters more than reality. Shallow. Surface-level. Fake smiles. Fake posts. Fake lives.

Even family pictures feel rehearsed, everyone smiling, perfectly posed. The kids know the cues too: “Smile… action… cut.” I can feel it; can you? It reminds me of The Truman Show. Truman lived in a world built for cameras, where every interaction was scripted. Everyone else knew they were acting, he didn’t. That’s our world now. Reality turned into a set.

We chase applause, likes, and “perfect” images, forgetting what’s real. We forget to show up for the people who matter, to love without performing. We settle for staged moments instead of authentic life.

Many “new goals” today look different; followers, likes, views, online influence, but the heart is the same. People chase recognition and validation. But what about the followers in your home? Your children and spouse? Do they feel your presence, your love, your patience, or are they learning that self, image, and performance come first?

Here’s where Satan works. He uses selfishness to rob us bit by bit. He hides behind social media, pride, and distraction. He whispers: “Focus on you first. Protect your image. Get what you want. Do what you want.” But you can’t truly follow the Messiah until you deny yourself; lay down your desires, pride, control, and image. Scripture says:

“Then the Messiah said to His disciples, ‘If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.’” (Matthew 16:24)

From the start, the lie has been the same: “You will be like Elohim.” (Genesis 3:5) Self takes the throne. Desire replaces obedience. Scripture also warns:

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” (Proverbs 14:12)

“Whoever trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered.” (Proverbs 28:26)

“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” (Matthew 16:26)

Look around your home. Where is self creeping in, and where can love step up? Real change starts here; not in resolutions, but in daily choices guided by YHWH.

So when the idea of “new beginnings” tempts you toward self or recognition, remember YHWH and the Messiah, who gave Himself fully for us, not seeking applause. Scripture says:

“For the Messiah also suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust, to bring us to Elohim.” (1 Peter 3:18)

Real new beginnings happen when self steps aside and love leads. Your spouse and children notice, and one day, you’ll be grateful you chose presence, patience, and love over image and performance; the legacy that truly lasts.

Dana M.